Guest Post: On Following My Heart

I'm so excited to share a guest post today from my good friend (and our wedding officiant) Leslie.  She and her husband got married last November but delayed their honeymoon so that they could do it right and take a long backpacking trip through India before they moved from DC to San Francisco.  They're about three weeks into the trip right now, but she wrote this before leaving, capturing so beautifully and honestly something that I suspect most of us struggle with as we move through life phases.  Not just across state borders, but from job to job, relationship to relationship, single to married, childless to parenthood.  Embracing the new and letting go of the old is rarely a simple matter for the heart.

From the ktmade collection

Moving across the country with a three month journey to India as a detour seems scarier and more challenging tonight than it did when my husband and I first conjured up this plan.

And letting go of my DC life has been one of the most difficult parts of this move. In honesty, I didn't even think about this part of it all. It was a detail I'd overlooked--I don't think I've gotten this attached to a place and family of friends as I have to my DC world. Letting go of it all is really painful. And it's oddly painful to be excited about the next few months when I know it is coming at the cost of letting go of this known and comfortable life.

I don't know what I'm more scared about--traveling around in a country new to me, starting a new life in San Francisco, leaving my friends and colleagues here in DC, or stepping away from my job on the hunch that what my heart keeps telling me will work out.

And why shouldn't it work out? Right now the only obstacle standing in my path is my own doubt shadowed by my own fear. But when I think about it, the last few times I've followed this type of heart call, it set me up with this life that I'm so scared to let go of today.

I'm of ball of great excitement and great fear as I bounce between complete and unquestioning trust in my heart's song and forgetting and doubting my own faith in it.

I think that may explain why I've been putting off doing the same task for over two weeks now. There is a certain feeling that I won't ever get to do anymore tasks like it once I'm done, so it's got to be awesome and I sure as hell better enjoy myself doing it. But it's difficult to enjoy myself when the task is mixed with wistful reminders from my coworkers that tomorrow is my last day, and the thought that after tomorrow, I won't get to spend my days surrounded by their loving energy.

I'm leaving this place that my heart led me to five years ago, only so I can go down the path it's pointing me to today. I guess I didn't realize that just because my heart is leading me elsewhere it wouldn't also be leaving a part of itself here.

If you're interested in guest posting on ktmade, you can email me at ktmadeblog (at) gmail (dot) com.