It's become a problem. I didn't realize how much of one until I decided to take a day off.
The Universe was talking to me about it - through blogs and magazine articles and people walking by me on the street. Everyone was sharing their experiences of cutting the cord - for a day or a weekend or even a week on vacation.
Some of them were doing the real deal - shutting everything off. Cozying up with a book.
During passover, I kept my computer and my phone close while Navah's family soaked up the feeling of the day of rest. I would run into the other room to search, check on things, figure out if anything had changed since I'd been there an hour before.
But by this weekend, I was ready. Sort of. I had decided Saturday was the day - no internet. And that meant no internet on the phone either - no instagram, no tweeting.
I was surprised - and a little embarrassed - by how nervous I was. Friday evening, I was frantically emailing, trying to make sure I didn't skip something important. I was anxious as I fell asleep. What if I needed to look something up tomorrow? What if someone emailed and I didn't respond? What if I had forgotten something?
I thought about scrapping the whole plan. Maybe this wasn't the right day for it. Maybe I hadn't prepared enough. But I realized that the fact that I was feeling like I was meant that it was the perfect - the necessary - time for it. I really needed to take a step back.
And I did. I woke up Saturday morning, and I didn't check my email.
I made biscuits from a recipe in a cookbook.
I watched an episode of Downton Abbey with Navah, and we cried our eyes out. We raked and weeded the front yard and delighted in the gorgeous sky and the flip-flop weather. Then the three of us (Navah, Jammer, and I) went for a run. I showered and put some fun stuff in my hair that made in soft and wavy.
We met with a wedding photographer.
I made dinner, and when I couldn't figure out exactly what kind of dressing I wanted to make for the citrus slaw salad, I headed back to my shelf of cookbooks, thumbed through the pages, and found something delicious.
When we sat down to watch a movie at the end of the day, I started to pull one of my crafts up onto the couch with me to keep my hands busy. And then I didn't, thinking I'd just watch for a few minutes before I started to multitask my pleasure. A few minutes turned into a whole movie of cuddling on the couch with nothing to divide my attention.
And then I read in bed and fell asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I checked my email. Nothing important had happened while I was away from it. Except that I had one of the most joyful, alive days I've had in a long, long time.
I won't pretend that I didn't think about the internet. I did. A lot. I wanted to look 10,000 things up. I wanted to check my email and blogs and download pictures and scroll through Pinterest. But every time I had those thoughts, I just redirected. I focused on what I was doing in that moment. And it worked. It was an incredible lesson.
One that I might just start practicing every week.