Wedding Confession: Helen of Troy Can't Even Cut It

Thank you so much for all of your kind comments and emails on my last post about our engagement.  While I rarely wish stress on anyone (only every now and then - I have bad moments), knowing I'm not alone in my anxiety does make me feel a bit better.  How is it that no one wants to feel this anxious about a wedding and yet somehow we all get sucked into it?

I've been looking at wedding dresses online - because it makes total sense to start looking for a dress before you even know what time of year you're going to have your wedding.  Seriously, though - I'm not actually looking for a dress.  I'm just scoping out the scene - what do I like?  What's out there?

I want a simple dress - something short and not too bride-y, maybe I'll even forgo white and do a peach or champagne color.  I pinned several dresses from Anthropologie the other day, and I liked one of them so much that I started thinking oh my gosh, I need to go ahead and get this!


Reminder:  No wedding date.

I didn't let that stop me -  I started, as one does I do when one buys I buy clothing, to envision myself in the dress at my wedding.  In my head, there I was cuttin' a rug at the reception, shaking it around, having an awesome time.  Then I envisioned myself walking down the aisle, and something went terribly wrong.  I came face to face with My Inner Bride.  I'm not going to call her a bridezilla because the word's overused, and I'm not sure I'm ready to pile that onto myself quite yet.  But this gal - My Inner Bride, she's a treat.

Her problem with me in this adorable dress?

I look too normal.  I'm not...wait for it...glowing.  That's right.  That's the problem - I'm not glowing.  According to MIB, when I walk down the aisle on my wedding day, jaws should duh-rop.  Everyone watching me should think to themselves  Oh. My. God.  How have I failed to notice all of these years that Katie is the most beautiful woman to ever walk the earth?

I know - seriously?

MIB wants me to wear something like this:

Wedding Inspirasi

And when Navah sees me, she should be overcome - o.ver.come. - by the realization that she has made the best decision ever, thinking to herself Wow! this is the best decision of my life.  I'm marrying someone who looks exactly like Kate Winslet.  

I tried to explain to MIB that I look exactly 0% like Kate Winslet (though wouldn't that be fun) and that no wedding dress could change that.  And what's more, I'm pretty sure if Navah were running this little Katie's-like-a-celebrity-on-her-wedding-day fantasy, it would involve me slightly tripping as I walk down the aisle, catching myself and making a witty and self-deprecating remark and Navah thinking to herself Wow, this is the best decision of my life.  I'm marrying someone exactly like Tina Fey.

There are probably 18 things that you want to try to explain to MIB right now.  I'm with you, but her brain has been sucked out by whichever wedding myth it is that says The Bride is supposed to look more beautiful than she's ever looked in her life and preferably more beautiful than anyone else has ever looked in the history of the world.  You know that scene from Love Actually where Kiera Knightley's character watches the video that her husband's-best-friend-who-actually-loves-her made of their wedding?  And she looks sort of disgustingly ethereal the whole time?

That's what MIB's looking for.

The whole thing reminds me of when I went to pick up my high school senior pictures from the photographer. I remember driving over there and being all fluttery.  I had never had professional photographs taken before - at least not as a semi-adult and not of just me - and I was so excited to get them back.  I waited to look at them until I got back into my car, and then I sat and slowly opened the cover to  All the pictures just looked like me.  It was a huge disappointment.  It's not that I think I'm ugly, it's just that I get these ideas in my head about things like Portraits and Weddings.  Hmm....perhaps it's not MIB so much as plain old-fashioned vanity.

The ridiculous thing about all of it is that I'm not The Bride here.  I'm A Bride.  There's another one - my intended, the person I'm super excited to be marrying.  I've always been sort of bothered by the Focus On The Bride - like maybe the groom wishes everyone at the wedding would come over and tell him that he's never looked better instead of making jokes about how ridiculous it is that he ever got someone as great as the bride to marry him?  That's something we don't have to worry about at our wedding, so you'd think that maybe I could do away with the whole be-the-most-beautiful-person-in-the-room/ever business.  Oh, but that vanity is a sneaky little thing.

The truth is, I can't remember a wedding I've ever been to when I didn't think that the bride looked stunningly gorgeous.  Not a one.  There's just something about the day - the energy, the excitement, perhaps the nerves.  Everyone is kind of glowing.  So I guess the only danger here is that I'll let my vanity run away with a dress that would really make me happy and comfortable on The Big Day (perhaps not calling it that would help).  The other day on A Practical Wedding, a bride wrote about how she was sort of ho-hum about her wedding dress when she bought it but that on her wedding day, she was so happy that she was comfortable and wearing a regular bra.  I thought now, that's the right attitude.

Hopefully if I work really hard, I can kick MIB to the curb and end up in a dress that's comfortable and relaxed and makes me feel good.  And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll glow.