I'm not going to talk about the fact that the big diamond in the middle of my weaving is a little bit wonky or that the little diamonds at the bottom aren't all shaped perfectly or that the stripes at the top are wavy instead of straight.
Nope. Not going to talk about those things because I'm learning (always, slowly and imperfectly) to let go of perfectionism, especially when it's totally unreasonable.
I hung my completed weaving in my office, directly across from me, so I can look at it all day and remind myself that there is a creator inside me. A creator of words, a creator of images, a creator of meals, a creator of tapestries, a creator of beauty.
Many days I feel so removed from that side of myself - days when I leave the house in a hurry, sit at my desk and make decisions and answer emails and talk on the phone and go to meetings, and then drive home to throw something totally uninspired together for dinner before falling asleep scrolling through Instagram. The creator in me starves on those days, and the more often days turn to weeks, the harder it is for me to find that person inside me that runs yarn through warp strings or creates characters or sews quilts.
The perfectionism is worse then, when I'm operating from a place of scarcity, when I'm afraid I might have lost my connection to my creator self. This might be my last chance, I think. I must create not only the perfect thing, but the perfect experience of creating the perfect thing. This creation must be the one that re-awakens me.
Because it's fun to compare myself to Elizabeth Gilbert, I've been remembering an article I read where she talked about losing her passion for writing, an experience that terrified her. She turned to gardening as a way to continue engaging her curiosity and ultimately found her way back to her writing desk.
I'm taking solace in her words, trying to find a sense of curiosity for all the little pieces of my life, trying to believe that the passion has not abandoned me entirely, that shoving perfectionism onto my creative pursuits will not help, that my passion will re-ignite when it is ready.
And until then, I carry on.
p.s. Reminds me a little of my interview with Elise Blaha Cripe!